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Talk About Sex! (A Must Read) #vocalspeaks

November 19, 2022

Another Saturday, weddings everywhere and I've got something to say.

Dear intending Christian couples, TALK ABOUT SEX.

Being a virgin, abstinent, or celibate doesn't mean you should be ignorant. Your lack of a sex life is not an excuse.

Woman, know your body. Man, read up on a woman's body. Man, know your body. Woman, read up on a man's body.

For women, there are two holes in your genital area - the urethra and the opening to the vagina.

How are you 25+ and don't know this? Take a mirror and look at yourself!

That's how in the name of 'I'm a virgin... I didn't know,' one son of Adam went and inserted a whole penis in someone's daughter's urethra. And she too, she didn't know where her vagina is located.

*crossing my legs and doing the sign of the cross*

TALK ABOUT SEX.

Some of these people you're about to hitch yourself to are infested with weird, unrealistic ideas of sex and pleasure that they've acquired from all manner of pornographic movies. When you talk, you'll most likely find out and know whether the journey is yours to continue or turn back from.

During such a talk, one bros said to me, "I like anal."

I quickly covered my arse with a prayer and moved on. Some people like it but it is not for me. Me that has not started using the front, you now want to open a branch in my backyard? No, thanks.  

Seriously, you don't want to end up with someone who has well-established fetishes and kinks that you'll never be willing to participate in. Talk and avoid future friction.

Because...just imagine coming back from work at 10 p.m., after sitting for six hours in Lagos traffic and someone's son will bring out a whip and handcuffs and tell you he likes BDSM, then proceeds to fl-og you like stubborn goat.

Or in the middle of doing the do, she asks you to choke her. And even if you don't want to, you cave in and do it and next thing, St. Peter is asking her for her surname, so he can check if it's in the Book of Life.

TALK ABOUT SEX.

Talking doesn't mean you'll jump each other's bones right there. If it's a possibility, then do it in a very public area or with a chaperone (not for me🙄) and treat it as a purely academic discussion (which it should be). After, you go home to your different homes.

A good number of us already know what gives us pleasure and what we find sexually attractive in the opposite sex. We know the erogenous zones of our bodies. Don't act like you don't know.

"I'm attracted to her because of how she prays..." is nonsense capping, Bro Zephaniah.

"The way he reads the Bible is so attractive..." Sister Rebecca, stop lying.

READ BOOKS.

I can recommend a few. Just be prepared to the best of your ability. Don't just go in there and start acting all shocked and regretful.

"We sweat a lot when we're doing it. Is that normal?"

Philomena, no dey ask me yeye question. You don see who dey exercise, wey no dey sweat?

"His...erm...his...sperm flows out of me after we finish. Is that normal?"

Margaret, what goes up must come down. It's a vagina, not a semen storage device.

"We married as virgins. This is our second week. She pees immediately after. Is that okay?"

"Does she do it in bed?"

"No, in the toilet."

And you're asking if it's okay? Brother Bartholomew, next time, let her pee in bed. Toilet bad, bed good.

Seriously, guys.

TALK ABOUT SEX!

And when you do, be honest.

P/S

You see that thing Hollywood shows, where a couple comes back from somewhere and once they enter inside the house, they start grabbing each other and tearing clothes and using one hand to push TV and laptop and printer to the floor....

....for those of you in Naija, the naira is not your mate. You break am finish, na you go buy am again. Have you priced laptop recently? Don't try yourselves, mai dia.

Over and out!

P/P/S

If you have any genuine questions, my inbox is open. If e no genuine...my Oraimo cord is ready.