What to do When Your Spouse is Spying on You Is my spouse spying on me? You may trust your spouse – but does your spouse trust you? You may have something to hide or you may have nothing to hide, but either way knowing that you’re being spied on feels like a terrible invasion of your privacy. Some forms of spying aren’t just offensive – they’re illegal.

Information a spouse uncovers about you via illegal spying can’t be used against you directly in a divorce action or custody battle.

However, if the illegally obtained information leads to legal sources of information, and your spouse can cover his or her tracks, then your spouse’s spying could end up hurting you in court.

The fact that your spouse is spying on you is also a warning sign that your relationship is in serious trouble.

WHY WOULD MY SPOUSE SPY ON ME Your spouse might spy on you for any number of reasons.

Most commonly, spouses who spy are looking for evidence of an affair. But spouses may spy for other reasons as well:

1. A spouse may spy to see if you’re drinking, using drugs, or spending time with people your spouse consider dangerous or a bad influence (such as an ex).

2. A spouse may be concerned that you’re secretly spending more money than you should, or stealing from a family business.

3. A spouse may suspect that (like Don Draper in Mad Men) you’re only pretending to go to work.

4. A spouse may wonder whether you’re actually going to college classes – especially if he or she is helping to pay your way.

Some people are just suspicious – paranoid even. If your spouse has been cheated on in the past, then he or she might be particularly concerned about it happening again.

If you’re the one who cheated before, then your spouse has good reason to be suspicious.

Some people are insecure. An insecure spouse might want the reassurance that you’re not cheating or lying.

Some people are controlling.

They know knowledge is power and they want to have power over other people.

Knowing what you’re up to – even if it’s completely innocent – makes them feel like they’re in charge.

If you are cheating or otherwise hiding something, then you may be leaving clues all over the place – a whispered phone conversation, a quick change of computer screens, unexplained expenses, etc.

Maybe your spouse has asked you straight out about these things; maybe he or she is afraid to. Maybe your spouse just wants to know the truth – even if it hurts – so he or she can get on with life… maybe without you.